I don't know how I missed it the first 3 years of his life, but this past week I figured out my 1st born son is a "strong willed child". When the realization really sank in and I thought about it, the thought would take my breath away. This was something I didn't expect and something I didn't see coming in my parenting journey, but here it is staring me in the face.
You see I thought I had this parenting thing under control. I read Babywise, my child did blanket time, signed "more please" and "thank you", we "home proofed our baby" and a host of other things. I am not saying doing those things were easy, and looking back I can see the signs of my little strong willed guy woven through completely, but I was blissfully unaware. Fast forward three years, and I am constantly wondering if I handled a situation correctly, am I reaching his heart, did I react too quickly, and one hundred other things. Now don't get me wrong, my little guy is still a great kid, who knows the rules and for the most part follows them, only now there are more questions or times of telling me how he is going to do certain things. I have talked to my husband about this (who was a strong willed child himself, so he can identify with our oldest) and he told me one time to think about all the benefits our little guy will have by being strong willed. Mark told me he would be steadfast, a quick decision maker, unlikely to falter in what he believes, someone who will stick up for others, and a slew of other things. And while this helps there are still some days that are just tough.
Literally there are days I am close to tears and thinking and praying my way through the messy days of motherhood. In fact it was today as I was folding his laundry after a particularly hard public outing to our school library and crying out to the Lord for his help. Not only was I asking for help, but I was asking "Why?" I wanted God to know I do not feel qualified to deal with this and I didn't know how to curb this behavior toward what the Bible tells us children should do. God needed to know I was so lost and I didn't want to do this. By golly, I want my hard work to pay off and not be thrown out the window by both me and my son at the first stand off. I wanted God to know I have tried my hardest to be a good mom, to point my baby to the Lord, to succeed so everyone could see that even though I am young, I still know how to handle my children. I wanted God to know all these things, but what I heard in return stopped me in my tracks.
God whispered to my spirit, "Yes he could be a laid back and compliant child, but would you be brought on your knees in a constant state of prayer asking me what you should do if he were?" Of course I knew the answer was no, that I would be cocky enough to think "I can so do this on my own, I got this down!" I would not pray nearly as much if my first one didn't have a strong will, if I wasn't praying for his heart on a daily basis. It is because of my son that I am in constant communication with our Heavenly Father, and what better place is there for a mom to be? So instead I choose to listen to my Lord and count my blessings from my strong willed guy, for he has not only challenged me to become a better mom, but to become a prayer warrior on his behalf.
9 hours ago