These were very real questions, coming from very confused and influenced by the world girls. The hunger in their eyes for truth was almost tangible. To have an older woman say to them "Wearing a bikini is like walking down the hallways of school in your bra and panties, why would you do that? Why would you want so many other people to see what is only meant for your husband?" was completely foreign and new. I reminded them that I was their age at one point, I remembered thinking the sinful thoughts on how a bikini looks good on me etc. However, I went on to say I wish I had never worn one, that I wasn't mature enough to understand the reasons why or to care.
I was sitting there trying to answer these questions as lovingly, honestly, and scripturally based as I possibly could on the fly. At the same time I am thinking "This isn't my job. These questions should have been answered already by a mommy and daddy." It absolutely broke my heart that instead of presenting these ideas or asking these questions to a parent, they asked me. Granted I want them to be feel comfortable talking to me, but it is never my intention to take the place of a parent. Yet in youth ministry I find this to be a recurring theme; my husband and I teaching kids what the parents should have already taught. I even get parent texts telling me how much the message hit home and thanking me. Somewhere we are missing the point.
I know I say this phrase a lot, but since becoming a stay at home mom, I have really been learning about how the traditional American church is run based solely on traditions, not necessarily scripture. A youth ministry in theory sounds like a wonderful idea, but in hindsight it is a cop-out, a place where parents can take a back seat and let the "professionals" handle it. While I do think it is important for children to be around their peers, I do not think it should be the sole source of their spiritual teaching. Coming from a youth minister's wife it must sound pretty crazy. Believe me it feels pretty crazy to believe it, but I cannot deny the facts. While my husband and I are still in the position we are in, we will be joyful and work diligently for the Lord, knowing we are here for a reason, but understanding, we are not the solution, just a bandaid to a much bigger problem.
This is one of the areas I intend to investigate into a little more so when the time comes for God to move us somewhere else we will be ready and informed to make a decision on what type of church we should be attending. I have been reading more and more things on Family Based churches and like what I have found so far. If you have any information that you would find informative and will aid me in our search, please leave a comment and let me know. I am linked up to
Great post! So sad yet so true. I'm "liking" it on Growing Home. :)
ReplyDeleteAnna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment and for "liking" it on Growing Home. Both are greatly appreciated!
We were involved in 2 churches with family based youth ministry while our kids were growing up but it really just meant that the parents and younger siblings were invited to all the activities. Sad to say many parents ran off to Starbucks instead so it really is a parent issue. At times we were kind of picked on for always going with the kids and not taking the opportunity to have some free time. We have even taken our teens into the adult SS class with us and that was a huge blessing because we really had a good discussion about the lesson over Sunday dinner. Let me say many adults did not like our kids being with us. We tried without success to start a family SS class in that church but were told no--too odd! I don't think things will ever really change as long as parents are worn out and seeking their own time. A friend of ours whose daughter turned rebellious said that it was the youth programs' fault---I was totally blown away that a parent could think that. We may not have covered everything that we should have with our kids but we sure did try. We discussed those sorts of things at meals and in private gender to gender. I agree with everything you said here. I hope you and your husband can press on and not get burned out by the lack of parental guidance. Our SIL was a college pastor and those kids were so needy that he burned out in 18 months. I know this is just rambling but WOW you hit the nail on the head!
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